When I was a younger womyn, and more gullible (and had forgotten the valuable lessons my seventh grade feminism project had taught me) I used to be a part of the whole <3 fashion yay troupe. Vogue & Harpers Bazaar were my favourites. Sure, it might have bugged me a bit that the fashion in there was not as gothique as I would have liked, but the “soft goth” look has been swimming in and out of the ‘it’ mags for at least the eleven years I’ve cast some kind of attention to them.
Recently, I read a brilliant book by an amazingly intelligent and focused womyn named Sheila Jeffreys. This book’s called Beauty & Misogyny. And if you haven’t read it now, go and fucking order it off Fishpond now. I’ve always had an inkling that all these so called “beauty” practices are nothing more than misogyny and the patriarchy’s efforts of keeping womyn under wraps – and this book just confirmed everything I’ve thought. The funny thing is how much “alternative” beauty advice closely resembles the mainstream culture they claim to be rejecting. I don’t reject culture by the way, I smoke it, toke it and then shit it out again. But even I don’t exist in a vacuum. I wish I did sometimes, but life would surely be more boring without the organised chaos of reality.
ANYWAY.
Take for example, this quote from “alternative” make up “designer” Doe Deere:
If you want to know who a woman is, take a look at her shoes. Shoes are a wondrous accessory that almost has a mind of its own – not obligated to match the rest of the outfit, it can make a louder statement than even your dress! Women baby their shoes, collect them like precious gems.
Apart from the overwhelming sexism in this statement, funny how it looks like it could have spilled straight from the schphincters of any international version of Cosmopolitan. Tips like “Always be Glamourous” grace the blog pages of “alternative fashion” along with guides on How to perform a striptease, A Basic Shoe Collection and How to Choose a Flattering Haircut. Does any of this sound familiar to you? Oh that’s right, because on the Australian Cosmopolitan website there’s an article entitled A Woman and her Shoes, Yoga tips to help you climax, The 40% rule I’m wondering where exactly an article of this level stops becoming mainstream and becomes “alternative”.
And then I remember, it’s when you throw the models in all black, or all fluro, and some studs and stripper heels (or ballet boots) and add a bit of latex and VOILA ALTERNATIVE ROCKAAA. It’s like sucking dick for cash makes is a feminist act (if you get paid enough!) – sorry, I just don’t buy that bullshit.
Reading advice like this is not only going to probably make you miserable, it’ll make you broke and you’ll probably be reading He’s just not that into you and wailing about why some jerk off doesn’t like you.
So without further procrastinating. I think I should make this entry about life and style advice. Just for shits and giggles you know. I give the worlds best advice with my PHD in amateur advice, I think I am clearly more qualified than anyone else on the internetZZ
Remember : feeling sorry is an excuse to not celebrate your own happiness
I might have stolen that line from True Blood – but it’s true. Don’t feel sorry for that arsehole you broke up with, don’t feel sorry for that person you beat to the line at the shops, don’t feel sorry and let them go in front of you. You were there first. You are number one in your life & anyone who tells you different is just jealous and an arsehole.
Guilt is a useless emotion
This is more for fellow survivors of post traumatic than anyone else. I’ve recently discovered the joys of not feeling guilty about the things that have led to my illness. Nor should you feel guilty about calling others out on bullshit that might be triggering to you. They are the ones who should feel bad, not you.
Watch more zomedy!
Go watch more zombie comedies and less romantic comedies. Okay, okay, so there may not be that many of them out there available mainstream, but you’ll have fun looking.
Stop watching porn and supporting the rape sex industry.
Next time you see some group of gaggling goonheads tripping up or down the stairs to a place of womyn’s exploitation tell them not to go there. Turn all the “lads magazines” in a servo around and complain to the manager about porn being put so close to under 18’s reach. If they talk about how it’s not porn open it up and show them the adds for the porn chat lines. Piss on a strip club. Spit on a strip club. And if you’re already radical and anti-pornocracy like me, read the last two, lather, rinse, repeat and send a letter to your member of parliament about it.
Go Vegetarian or Vegan
Your body, soul and sense of compassion will thank you for it. Oh and the earth will too.
Realise religion is 99% brainwashing and control techniques
Seriously, give it up and form your own spirituality based on the best of your beliefs. Name it after yourself. Or call yourself a spiritual atheist. But I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – there is no such thing as “god”. End of discussion.
Do some volunteer work (if you are capable)
On days where I have time, or am not feeling to angerxious I like to volunteer at the native animal shelter/rehab clinic near my house. It can be heart-wrenching at times, but at the same time, helping others is cool. Feeling sorry for them isn’t. Feeling sorry doesn’t solve anything.
Question everything
Question authority. Question the media. Question yourself. Question your ideas. Question your attitudes, question your values. Question your friends attitudes and values. There’s no such thing as not being able to ask a question, it takes all of eleven seconds to ask, and if you don’t want to ANSWER you don’t have to.
Burn the lacey knickers and bras
Seriously, get something comfortable and practical. It doesn’t have to be beige. I buy d00ds underwear on occasion because I like my knickers to cover my arse. Once you’ve tried having a totally covered bum, you can’t go back to coating it in a strand of spaghetti. You might even feel better about your body image as well.
I think I’ll leave it here, because I have shindigging to diggle. But here’s something to mull over (trigger warning)